The Importance of Pre-Planning for the LGBTQIA+ Community
In a world where queer and trans lives are still met with systemic erasure, violence, and misunderstanding, pre-planning for death may be one of the most radical acts of self-love and protection we can take.
It’s not morbid.
It’s not giving up.
It’s an act of resistance—a reclaiming of our agency in a society that often tries to strip it from us, even (or especially) in death.
Here’s why end-of-life planning is particularly vital for those within the LGBTQIA+ community:
1. Affirming Our Identities, in Life and Death
Many have spent their lives fighting to be seen and respected for who they truly are. Without written instructions and legal documentation, there’s no guarantee those wishes will be honored once they’re dead. Misgendering in obituaries, being buried under a dead name, or having partners and chosen families pushed aside by estranged biological relatives—these are not uncommon stories.
Pre-planning gives us the power to clearly state our identity and make sure it is upheld in funeral services, legal documents, memorials, and final arrangements.
2. Protecting Our Chosen Families
Biological families aren’t always safe or supportive—many queer folks rely on chosen families for love, support, and care. But without legal documentation like wills, powers of attorney, and advance directives, these beloved relationships can be overlooked entirely.
Pre-planning ensures your chosen family has the legal right to be involved in your care if you’re incapacitated, to carry out your end-of-life wishes, and to inherit your belongings and legacy.
3. Guarding Against Discrimination in Care and Disposition
Hospice, hospitals, funeral homes, and other end-of-life services aren’t always LGBTQIA+-friendly. There have been countless instances of partners being denied access, decedents being misrepresented, or religious services being imposed against someone’s values.
By pre-selecting inclusive providers and making your values and wishes legally binding, you reduce the chances of facing discrimination—or having your life and death shaped by others’ prejudice.
4. Breaking the Silence Around Death
Death is already a taboo topic in many cultures. But silence only benefits systems of oppression. Talking openly about death, and planning for it on our own terms, chips away at shame and fear. It creates space for others in our community to do the same.
When we model this kind of radical transparency, we tell others: You are allowed to take up space in life and in death.
5. Leaving a Legacy of Authenticity
Whether through a spiritual lens, a political one, or both, many LGBTQIA+ people view their existence as a form of activism. Pre-planning allows us to continue that legacy by choosing how we are remembered, who gets to tell our stories, and what we pass on—emotionally, materially, or spiritually.
Where to Start:
Advance Directives: Name a healthcare proxy and specify the kind of care you want (or don’t want).
Last Will & Testament: Specify your beneficiaries and funeral wishes.
Funeral & Burial Planning: Choose your funeral home or deathcare provider (ideally one who is LGBTQIA+ affirming), and outline your preferences for body disposition, services, and rituals.
Digital Legacy: Decide who gets access to your social media, digital files, or creative works.
Letter of Final Wishes: This non-legal document is a space to express identity affirmations, personal desires, messages to loved ones, and more.
You Deserve a Death That Reflects Your Life
Queer lives are full of creativity, resilience, and sacred connection. Our deaths deserve the same intentionality. Pre-planning is not just about paperwork—it’s about protecting our truth, caring for our communities, and reclaiming a process that has so often excluded us.
You don’t have to be old or sick to start. You just have to be willing to take that first, brave step. Your future self—and the people you love—will thank you.
Resources to Explore:
Transgender Law Center’s Life Planning Documents for Transgender Communities
If you’d like support navigating your end-of-life planning or want to explore sacred, affirming deathcare options, I’m here to help. Deathcraft is a space where all parts of you are honored—until the very end, and beyond.
